It’s Okay for a Man to Cheat

ID-10090814When is cheating ever okay? Or rather, is cheating okay? I had a discussion tonight about cheating and came to one conclusion: men cheat…a lot. But because men cheat a lot does that mean that women should expect and accept it? A lot of women have this notion that because they are dating or married to prominent men [athletes, musicians, actors, etc.] they should not only accept a cheating man but they should EXPECT it; I was flabbergasted at this idea. Contrary to popular belief, not EVERY man cheats. Some men are perfectly content in their relationships and have no desire to step outside. Women need to stop perpetuating this fallacy that all the men out here are cheating. I don’t think being an athlete or musician makes you more likely to cheat; if a person is going to cheat they will cheat. If the desire is there and an open opportunity presents itself a man will cheat. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, how often you cook, and how good you pleasure your man…some men just aren’t made for monogamy. Your occupation has no bearing on whether or not you will cheat. Blue-collar workers cheat just as much as prominent men. The thing with men in the spotlight is that they are exposed to a higher number of women. More women know who Kobe Bryant or Channing Tatum is than the man that works in the post office. Being famous makes you well-known but not necessarily more accessible to women. Women think by being the “perfect woman” you can prevent a man from cheating; you can be the perfect woman but if a man isn’t ready nothing will change that.

The most ridiculous thing in the world is when women try to justify a man who cheats. My thing is if you’re okay with being with a man who’s not interested in monogamy then it should be no problem for him to have other women. But if you want a man that will be faithful to you, you shouldn’t put up with infidelity. Women rationalize cheating with how much a man makes and how famous he is. Why do women have this ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ mantra when it comes to cheating? There is a man out there who will be faithful to you so you shouldn’t have to put up with being someone’s number 2. If you can’t have it all why settle for being a side chick? You deserve more than that. I refuse to be with a man who cheats on me. Fidelity is something that’s important to me so I refuse to accept a man that won’t remain faithful to me. I don’t care if he’s a basketball player, rapper, or the President of the United States. There’s a man out there who will be faithful to me so I refuse to put up with anything less. If you don’t want to be a man’s number 2 (or 3) then don’t; stop putting up with men who don’t make you their one and only.

Categories: Relationship Talk

2 Comments

  • i think everyone cheats at the same rate. And the only way that cheating is ok is if you are part of the swingers community. Then it is fair game. Would you agree with that?
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  • Andrew Ricks Jr says:

    This a multilevel subject so bear with me on the length of my response. First of all, whether it’s “okay” or not for a man to cheat men do cheat and not all the condemnations in the world is going to stop it, It’s reality. And yes, women do cheat too, but when they do it it’s for different reasons than men and not in quite the same way, more on that in a minute. Getting back to men; I think what needs to be realized regarding men in this are several things. One of them is that it’s a known fact that there’s more women in the world than men. When you take race into consideration, the differential is even more pronounced because of this country’s aggressive imprisonment of black men, meaning many will be unavailable at any given time. Given this, when there is an available black man, who is also good-looking, educated, employed and so on then it’s axiomatic that the demand is going to be high for this man. Subsequently, it’s going to be extremely difficult to impossible for such man not to take advantage of this demand. Not to say that no man can resist, some do. But, in my opinion, the type of man who doesn’t cheat is likely, NOT absolutely but likely, to also be the type of man who isn’t in high demand so he isn’t getting the opportunities to cheat. At least, this is what I’ve seen in my experience. We must remember that no cheating is possible without willing partners. When a man is in high demand, there are a multitude of possible willing partners especially if he’s black. The point here is that you can talk about “choice” all you want. The reality is that for this to mean anything then there has to be a choice to be had; some men have more than others and those that have more are likely to act on at least some of them, those that have less choices will necessarily be more trustworthy and not because of their ethical standards. Yes again, some men who are in high demand, and some who aren’t, will ethically choose not to cheat when they could have. But honestly, does anyone really think that this could be true for most men, especially for those high in demand? I don’t mean to be dismissive of your standard of finding a man who will absolutely positively never cheat. I sincerely hope you find such a man. However, I think it’s delusional to demand that every woman in every situation expect this same standard. That’s just not reality. If women followed your suggestion that they never accept a cheating man, the only outcome for most of them is that they’d be going through numerous men trying to find that elusive one that will never cheat on them. It could happen of course. But the bottom line for most women is that it’s not going to. And this has nothing to do with my opinion, it’s observable fact. Given this, it’s no wonder to me that many women have the sensibility to accept that their men will occasionally cheat, especially those that have high in demand men. These women have come to the abundantly clear conclusion that it’s better to have a man who gives them the love, status, stability, emotional support, shared interests and background, money and whatever else who may sometimes cheat but that nevertheless is a worthwhile partner. This is a calculation that these women have made and frankly, when they have high demand men at least, I applaud them. They’re simply keeping it real instead of trying to live up to a largely unattainable ideal. I think it’s up the the woman to decide if this type of bargain if you will is worth it. I certainly disagree that ALL women should expect unerring fidelity from their men, it depends on what your goals and intents for a relationship are about and only the woman who’s involved can make that call. Now finally on women cheating; yes women cheat too. But when women cheat I think it’s primarily for 2 reasons; emotional fulfillment and/or to raise their social status. Sure, some women cheat for the pure kick of sexual adventure just like men, but these women are in the minority. But when most women cheat they’re either not getting what they want emotionally from their mate or they’re taking advantage of landing a man with higher status. That higher status could be anything from the man simply being more popular in the community than the man they’re with to the man being a wealthy athlete/performer/lucrative professional, or some such economically advantaged person. So what women are looking for is someone that can provide for them emotionally and/or financially, in either case it’s a more substantive goal. As you’ve insight-fully noted Jnice, a woman can be as sexy, domesticated and as dependable a partner to a man and he’ll still cheat. This is true and it’s because, generally speaking, men aren’t cheating to attain what they want in the long run; they’re cheating for sexual adventure in the here and now. This is the primary difference between men and women cheating. Whether this is good or bad is for each person to determine, but in most cases it nevertheless accurate.

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