I turn 27 in two and a half weeks. I’m kind of scared. I don’t know if my life is where it should be. In one sense, I’m in school [still]….I’m pursuing a Ph.D in what I’m passionate in. I never thought I’d make it this far. I’ve always enjoyed school but I would hardly call myself the “smartest person in the class.” But I can certainly say I was the most motivated. I’m proud of myself for getting this far. I refused to let people’s doubts deter me. In less than two years I will be a Dr..
I’m nervous though. Nervous at the thought that when I finish I won’t have a job. I know you must be thinking “why would a Dr. or rather, a Ph.D, come out of school without a job?” I know I could find A JOB…but I refuse to work a 9-5 where my skills and abilities aren’t being properly utilized. I don’t want a 9-5. I’ve never really been a 9-5 person. I’m too creative for a 9-5. And…I’m not a morning person. Not that I can’t be…I just choose not to be. I enjoy my sleep so much…and I enjoy staying up late and working…writing…blogging at 4 am.
I guess I’m at the point in my life where I’m just a little…lost. I know I’m on the right path but I’m just wondering where my life will be when I finish this school journey. I love psychology. I’ve always loved psychology. I just don’t have a clear focus on WHAT I want to do with my degree…the possibilities are endless. But you know what happens when people have TOO many options. CHOICE OVERLOAD.
I have several ideas of what I want to do…the problem is finding a company that will hire me to do what I want to do. I fear I will have to work for a company where I will be doing what THEY want me to do.
I just want to be happy. And well-paid. This college student struggle is all too real right now. I guess while everyone was out finding husbands and wives and having children and getting real adult jobs, I was studying. I hope the path to greatness, in my case, is the path less travelled. I know eventually I will get there…start a family and live that American Dream… I don’t know what it is I really want: I just know I want to be content.
Most of my classmates who are getting their Ph.Ds have full-time jobs and they live adult lives. I pay my own bills and my own rent but I just don’t feel like a full adult yet. I don’t know what specific career path I want to take…I want to write. If I could write for a living and get paid well to do so, that’s what I would be doing. If there was a way to somehow infuse my writing into the area of psychology I’m studying, I would be in heaven.
I’m just worried. Am I where I should be? Am I where I need to be? I don’t want marriage and kids and the white picket fence just yet. I just want……financial security…and a beautiful walk-in closet. And to forget that I owe the government a hefty sum of money. I just wish I could find the medium between work and happiness. I want to work but not a 9-5…I’m fearful of the monotony that a 9-5 brings.
I’m a little too old to be having a quarter-life crisis. Sometimes I feel crippled by my fears. But I can’t fail. I can’t lose. I just want assurance that things will get better…one day.