My Breakup

unnamedDear Love of my Life,
I’ve finally decided to end this 9-year relationship that we’ve shared. It’s been an abusive and emotional rollercoaster. I’ve realized that after almost a decade of back and forth with you, the time has come for me to let things go. I’m deeply saddened to be cutting ties but when we’re together, my destructive side comes out. Nothing productive ever comes out of our union…so it’s time to finally give up and throw the towel in.

You’ve become my greatest vice; somewhat of a crutch for me. I’m a very extroverted person. When it comes to meeting new people I can be somewhat shy but you provided me with the courage I thought I needed. You make me feel so beautiful. With you, all my insecurities fell to the waist side. But I always knew that this relationship was one that I would have to part ways with at some point. With you, I lose all sense of morals and decency. I have enough stories to fill up a book regarding our escapades. After last night, I came to realization that it was truly time to part ways with you.

I remember the time when I was 22 and was having an argument with someone inside a bar and the bouncer thought it was getting too heated and kicked me out. In a drunken tirade, I cursed out the club owner and told him that I had a boyfriend (I didn’t) who was a drug dealer and would come back and shoot him for kicking me out. Needless to say this was all a lie…not only was I single but I didn’t even know any drug dealers. You made me engage in this idiotic behavior! I should have ended things right then and there.

One of our very first times together you actually sent me to the hospital. That should have been an indication right there this my relationship would be a toxic one. This behavior was comical in college but now that I’m 27 years old this behavior isn’t funny at all; it’s actually quite sad. You’ve put me in so many compromising situations. I could have been raped, killed myself or even another person, and ruined my life forever.

 

I spoke with a close friend of mine and he reminded me how much I actually have going for me; I have too much at stake to let you ruin my life. Why would I want to throw that all away for a night with you? It’s definitely not worth my dignity, self-respect and reputation. I’m so glad that I had this epiphany before anything else happened. The love affair that I have with you could have taken my own life. But you’re my favorite drug. My best friend always tells me that my issue with you is that I don’t know my limit. I disagree. I know my limit; I just don’t care when I habitually cross my limit. I just throw caution to the wind and I always figure that things will be okay and somehow everything will work itself out. Luckily that has actually been the case but I refuse to wait around for the day that something more serious actually occurs. You’ve sent me to the hospital for goodness sake! What more am I waiting for?

I’ve been using you as a crutch for far too long and I’m ready to just let it go. You were more than something fun and fleeting. You provided me with the courage and confidence that sometimes I severely lack. I forget about how subconscious I am. You take all my worries and fears away. You turn me into the fearless girl that I never knew was inside me. Little did I know that the fearless girl has always been there; I don’t need you me that anymore.

I think I’m holding on to the happy memories I shared with you. But I need to leave those memories in the past. At some point everyone has to grow up. I can’t be acting like this at my age. Obviously I have a problem when it comes to you so the best option is just to cease all together. Some of my friends suggested I take some space from you and spend time with you sparingly. But for me, it doesn’t work that way. Once I get a taste of you, I yearn for that feeling to continue; and I want to intensify it. It’s an all or nothing type of situation for me. At this point in my life I just have too many positive things to look forward to. I could make a mistake while with you that will cost me for the rest of my life.

As much as I love you and have loved you for the past 9 years, it’s finally time for me to let you go. I can’t do this anymore. I’m dumping you. Finally. This is long overdue.

I am finally ridding you from my life. The times we shared were good, bad, and ugly. I will think fondly of you but I know what has to be done. I cannot continue down this destructive path with you. I must let you go once and for all.

Liquor: Thank you for all the good times,

Sincerely,
Officially Sober

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