I Can’t Date a Man from New York

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Image by photostock via http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/CouplesPartners_g216-Couple_Celebrating_Together_p54161.html

So, as a recently single gal, I’ve been exploring the dating scene in the greater New York city area. I moved to New York from Louisiana in late 2012. When I moved here I thought my dating life would play out like a scene from Sex and the City. Upon my move to New York, I was coming out of a two year relationship and I was ready to shed my proverbial wings and enjoy the dating scene. Unfortunately, the dating scene or particularly the men in New York, were nothing like what I had imagined.

First of all, men in New York avoid buying drinks like the plague. Now, I’m perfectly capable of buying my own drinks but it’s interesting to me; in Virginia (where I’m from) men will buy you a drink in order to spark a conversation. Buying a lady a drink will often at least get you a conversation…at most it can get you a number and sometimes even an invitation inside. When I first moved to New York I was shocked at this fact but then I looked at the drink prices and understood why. Drinks in New York bars and clubs can cost you a pretty penny and are more expensive than most bars and clubs around the country.

What’s even more disturbing about men in New York is that they find it perfectly suitable to get a woman’s number and text her to death but NEVER EVER CALL HER. Now, at this age I don’t think you should have to tell a man that phone conversations are more intimate than texting. I don’t understand why so many men in New York think it’s okay to have full-blown conversations via text. Texting is definitely easier when you’re busy or in a place like work or class when you can’t readily talk. But to think that you can really delve into the nuances of a person simply via text is just foolish to me. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned. But what happened to chivalry? Obviously the men in New York killed and buried it. Originally I lusted after New York men (like most women from the “south”) because I admired their brashness and abrasive qualities; I find an aggressive man very attractive and NY men are as pushy as they come. But now I’m starting to realize that perhaps all the glitters wasn’t really gold and that these New York men aren’t as glamorous as I had previously thought. They get your number then refuse to call but will text you to death and then they expect you to trek over to whatever borough they live in to watch Netflix at their apartment. That’s not my idea of a date. My idea of a date is a man taking a woman out for lunch or dinner followed by casual conversation. This should take place for 4-5 times or however long it takes until the woman feels comfortable enough to go to a man’s residence or invite him to hers. I believe that after 5 dates women know if we’re really feeling a man or not.If you asked me for my number and your intention is to get to know me you need to understand that there will be a certain amount of work involved if you want my time. I don’t think this is selfish; time is our most value commodity and is something we can never get back, unlike money, which comes and goes.

For the past year I was in a relationship with a guy I had met from New Jersey. A month or so ago, the relationship ended and I am back on the dating scene (much to my chagrin). I now remember the struggles I went through when I first moved to New York. In the past year and a half that I’ve lived in New York, I’ve realized that the men who reside here put in the LEAST amount of effort possible when it comes to courting a woman. What baffles me is that there ARE some women out here that will accept this treatment from a man…which is why so many men out here have no interest in putting in work. In Virginia, I had no problems when it came to dating. I met men left and right (whether they were all quality men, though, is up for debate) and they had no problems taking me out and making me feel special. That’s how it should be. If I’m allowing you to be in my presence (as crazy as it sounds) you should make it worthwhile. I don’t HAVE to spend time with you. YOU were the one interested in getting to know me so you should be the one taking me out and calling me. I don’t know ANY WOMAN that will agree to go out on a date with a man if he’s not paying for the date. Unless the woman was the one who approached the man, it should be the man’s job to win a woman over. The date doesn’t have to be expensive at all. Hell, you can find $20 and $30 coupons via LivingSocial or Groupon. Just put in a little effort; that’s all we really ask.

In this day and age men in New York have lost their drive…woman have lowered their standards so much so that these men have a bounty of desperate women to choose from. Men in New York are so terrified of being taking advantage of, that they refuse to put out the proper effort that is required when dating a woman…they think everyone woman out here is a gold digger. The dating scene in NYC is a cesspool of losers whose sole goal is to get your panties off at the least amount of cost to them. Guys everywhere want sex; For most men, the ultimate goal in courting a woman is to eventually convince her to have sex with you. But at least guys from the south actually PUT IN EFFORT. I hear men complaining all the time about the lack of the quality of women nowadays. The popular mantra has become “these h*es ain’t loyal” (thanks Chris Brown). I don’t blame them…Women are finding less and less incentive to keep dating a “broke” man…it gets tiring. Men these days are so stingy that when a woman does meet a man who is willing to court her and spend money on her, she gravitates towards him. I don’t see anything wrong with that. And let me reiterate that you don’t have to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a woman to please her; A simple dinner is sufficient. Men should be the ones “chasing” women; not the other way around. Women should also bring something to the table but it’s a man’s responsibility to take of his woman.

NEW YORK Men, if you want the woman of your dreams you can’t be afraid to spend a couple dollars in the beginning stages of the relationship. Women like to be wined and dined. If things don’t work out in the end, just remember that money comes and goes. But the fact that a woman is willing to give you her time (which is something she can never get back) speaks volumes.

Ladies, if you want to be courted don’t date a man from NYC.

5 Comments

  • Wildcard Hoss says:

    Janice, where have you met these men that you have gone out with in NYC so far? Just asking because depending on where you meet them, that could be a good indicator as to what kind of guy they really are. I try not to meet a women that frequents bars or goes to the club on a regular basis. I prefer someone that goes to lounges, into art, or comic/anime conventions (since I prefer the latter). Being a guy born and raised in NYC, I can say that there are a lot of thirsty (lol) and uncouth guys in NYC… this I will admit. However, there are good ones. For me when meeting a woman, I want to meet a good quality woman. I am not looking for sex, but for companionship with a woman that I can possibly grow with. Now I have to say that when I see you making statements like, “Ladies, if you want to be courted don’t date a man from NYC.” that kinda makes me cringe. There are good guys in NYC. I think that it is a matter of where you meet them and how you discern them that plays into the experience that you have.

    Speaking of which… why oh why would you go to a guys place after meeting him once? Lol! But seriously… you are lucky that he did not have a friend over there already in the apartment waiting. It could have gone totally different, even with your friend there. You guys were lucky. I had a friend of mine’s that did this (prior to my meeting her). I really berated her for that, because she put herself in a potentially dangerous situation. I’m glad that you are alright though. :)

    Now I am not trying to advocate for all guys in NYC. People of course can feel free to take from their experiences what they will. If you choose not to date anyone else from NYC, then that is your choice. I can’t argue with that. I would just like to know where it is that you meet these guys at.

    • Janice says:

      I’m well aware that where you meet men is an indication of what type of man they will be. But I’ve actually met some decent guys in bars, clubs, and other random places when I was in VA. I don’t “look” for these men; they come up to me. So if they seem nice enough I get to know them and see where things go. I meet guys everywhere to be honest.

      Nothings wrong with going over to someones house after meeting them IF you bring someone along with you and it’s at a decent hour of the day. I would NEVER go to someone’s house alone after having just met them…we’re smart girls. I wouldn’t intentionally put myself in a compromising situation (which is why I refused to drink when I was going over there).

      Guys in NYC just take some getting used to. There are some good guys out there; I’ve met a few nice guys in NYC. They are just few and far between.

  • Wildcard Hoss says:

    Lastly, is there anything in particular that compels you to give a guy your number? Is it his looks, height, ethnicity, conversation, etc?

  • Robert says:

    I think some of what you say is true. But I think you need to make a statement or video towards some of the females out here in NYC. Women seem to be only looking for men with money and someone good with morlas that have something to offer so I see why men are afraid to put in effort or scared of being taking advantage of.

    Example I worked a retail jobs while in school before getting into the career I am now. I have customers that I try to get there number etc and got turn down. So I go back there every now then to say what’s up to my old Co worker. Now that some of the female customer no what I’m doing now they now want to give me the time of day. When you knew I was in school working for something better.

    I feel if chivalry dead it’s cause of women.

    Another example I took a female out 7 or 8 times went to dinner picked her up drop her back home. Had to pay a toll cause she live in a different Boro did everything right just for her to stop calling me. Now from what she said and her actions she like me and want more which I did too cause I really like her alot. Just for her to stop calling so basically she free meals flowers picked up driven home. So it’s not all the men fault I know some cheap dudes but I feel the women have cause the dating problem with men in nyc.

  • Michael says:

    JNice,

    I’ll take you out and treat you right! ;)

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